November 1, 2002
Word of Divealanche.com begins to spread. Though there is little mention of the site in the Denver sports media, Divealanche.com visitors begin notifying Webmaster Pierre about angry email comments from the radio personalities at AM 950. Sandy Clough, the Barney Fife of Denver radio, is driven to hysterical fits of rage by the presence of the upstart website:

"I have seen it," wrote Clough to a Divealanche reader, "and the people contributing to the site are fools."

November 4, 2002
After watching him lead the Dives through a turbulent season while Peter Forsberg gallivanted about Sweden, Denver hockey homers reward Captain Joe Sakic by voting Floppa The Great their favorite hockey player in a Denver Post poll.

"(Forsberg) is a favorite among female fans because of his bright blue eyes," gushes the Post.

Divealanche.com readers gush as well... into five-gallon plastic buckets.

November 14, 2002
Angered to discover a web site portraying them as stupid, unsophisticated, and humorless, Avsmonkeys begin bombarding Divealanche with emails. Most of the emails are stupid, unsophisticated, and humorless.

November 15 to November 30, 2002
The Dives flounder, losing game after game and sinking to the cellar of their division. Divealanche.com chronicles this losing and sinking in gruesome detail.

December 9, 2002
The Dives continue to stink up the ice. Someone is going to have to pay for Pierre Lacroix's boneheaded roster tampering. Divealanche.com predicts Bob Hartley will take the pipe immediately following the Dives' early exit from the playoffs.

December 18, 2002
Bob Hartley takes the pipe, ruining our prediction by five months.

January, 2003
Divealanche.com is now receiving thousands of visitors a week, as hockey fans the world over realize the site is presenting faster and more hard-hitting coverage of the Avalanche than the corporate sports media establishment. Divealanche is showered with emails from Denver sports enthusiasts, grateful to finally be freed from the Soviet-style propaganda of AM 950 and Fox Rocky Mountain.

Meanwhile, the surging popularity of the site hasn't gone unnoticed at the Denver Post conglomerate, where the city's most heralded sports writers begin thieving material straight from Divealanche.com.

February 7, 2003
Peter Forsberg finally gets called for diving, in Detroit, before a national hockey audience.

February 10, 2003
The Denver Post grudgingly features Divealanche.com as its "Website Of The Week". Divealanche is flooded with angry emails from trailer parks throughout metro Denver. Many of these messages took hours to compose, but mere seconds to delete.

February 13, 2003
Swedish newspaper, Aftonbladet (translates to "urinal cake" in English), stumbles across Divealanche.com and loses their minds. Supposedly Sweden's newspaper of record, Aftonbladet goes flaming batshit over a silly photo of Peter Forsberg on a diving board. Not only does the paper feature a huge screenshot from Divealanche.com, sources in Sweden inform us that more space is donated to our web site than to Forsberg's recent hattrick!

The entire nation of Sweden behaves like a 10-year-old girl who's been told the Justin Timberlake concert was canceled. Our email box is flooded with thousands of hysterical emails from insane European pants-pissers. We try to read each of them, but are laughing too hard to see.

February 25, 2003
Mark Kiszla at the Denver Post editorializes that the Dives might be better off without Joe Sakic. Divealanche readers have already pondered this, having read the same editorial a month earlier.

February 27, 2003
The most heartwarming moment in the history of hockey: Bob Hartley returns to Denver as head coach of the Atlanta Thrashers and uses the city as his toilet, punking the Dives 4-3 and thumbing his nose at their idiot fans.

During the month of February, Divealanche.com has had over 30,000 visitors.

March 9, 2003
A year ago, Denver sports writers and radio hacks called Bryan Marchment the dirtiest player in hockey. Today, Marchment is given a parade and the key to the city after being signed to play for the Cheatin' Diques.

In one shining moment, every single allegation that Divealanche.com has made regarding the Denver Sports Media is proven true. As we have tirelessly point out over and over again, the only prerequisite for a sports media job in Denver is the ability to grab your ankles and say "my, what a lovely tea party."

March 20, 2003
Speaking to Fox Sports, Calgary's Denis Gauthier drops a howler that could have come straight from our site: ""If you blow on Forsberg, or he runs into a soft breeze, he's over in a heap. He embellishes everything. Those kind of guys drive me crazy. And he always seems to get the call. Isn't it obvious what he's doing? In (Calgary) earlier this year, I touched him coming around the boards — 'rubbed' would be too strong a term — and suddenly all kinds of stuff is happening. His stick's down at the other blue-line and one of his gloves is up in the third row and he's lying on the ice like he'd been shot from close range!"

April 6, 2003
Former Divealanche assistant coach Joel Quenneville intentionally throws the Blues' final game against Colorado. Avsmonkeys howl with idiot glee as their team claims the all-important Northwest Division title... the one and only title the Dives will claim this season.

April 20, 2003
With the Dives up 3-1 in their series with the lowly Minnesota Wild, Denver is busily preparing for the upcoming Stanley Cup parade.

"There's nothing to stop the Avalanche from taking it all," declares Mike Evans.

"Minnesota does not belong on the same ice as the Avalanche," writes Mark Kiszla in the Post.

Apparently the Minnesota Wild neither reads the papers, nor listens to Denver radio...

April 22, 2003
The Wild wins its third straight game, drop-kicking the Divealanche and their awful fans out of the playoffs and proving once and for all that there is a God.

May, 2003
Their work done, the Divealanche.com team retreats for the off-season and prepares for next October.