Once he cowered in fear, now he flowers all year! Who will ever forget that the biggest sissy in hockey once wore blue and maroon? Not us, that's for sure! Beautiful ceramic turtle vase commemorates the most beloved moment in NHL history, when Shitbag Claude got taken apart for the world to watch. Each vase is signed by Darren McCarty, who drilled the hole where the flowers go. $149.99 each

Before she gets bare, roll on Pierre! Nothing says romance like our lubricated, ultra-thin French Canadian tickler, featuring a likeness of the Avalanche general manager "for her pleasure." Before you get busy, slide on a Lizzy! $8.99 box of six

Avalanche fans love to throw garbage at opposing players after a home loss (the Pepsi Center even has to run an announcement asking them not to!) But all that throwing can do damage to tender elbow joints and shoulders. Not anymore! Divealanche's patented beer bottle thrower takes the danger out of bottle throwing (at least for you!) Just slide the top of your empty bottle into the end holder and join the fun! Only $29.99!

Your mullet... it's a part of you. Everywhere you go, your "Nascar mane" has been there for you, showin' the babes what you're all about, showin' the dudes that you mean business. But did you know your 'llet is under attack every day from sun and fresh air that can drain it of the vital body oils and smoke odors it needs to remain truly bitchin'? Our exclusive Mullet Warmer protects your luxurious 'llet from harm, and features the Divealanche logo. Simply slide the business end of your drape through the sleeve and you're ready to rokk on! Only $9.99!

We wanted to make a Christmas album featuring holiday favorites performed by all the world-class musical acts of Colorado. We scoured the catalogs of every record company on earth to locate every Colorado musical performer and group that has made an impact on the music industry and contributed to the history of rock, jazz and pop. We then gathered together all the performers we'd found and put them on this exclusive CD, which we make available right now for the first time ever! The disk is blank. There is nothing on it. A Rockin' Denver Christmas makes an excellent beer coaster, or can be used to scrape dog crap off the end of a shovel. $1.99

We weren't expecting to offer The Magnificent John Michael Liles in this years' catalog. But last week some whiny MSU hockey fan emailed us complaining that if we didn't stop calling his favorite player "The Magnificent John Michael Liles" he'd never stop pissing his pants. Here's what happens, folks, when you try to tell us what to do. The Magnificent John Michael Liles! The Magnificent John Michael Liles! The Magnificent John Michael Liles! The Magnificent John Michael Liles! The Magnificent John Michael Liles! The Magnificent John Michael Liles! The Magnificent John Michael Liles! The Magnificent John Michael Liles! The Magnificent John Michael Liles! THE MAGNIFICENT JOHN MICHAEL FLIPPIN' LILES!!!! Feel better now, pal? Only $1.50

Lots of fun for some family members... a real nitemare for others Here's a game that's sure to bring down the house! Contestants take turns breaking small appliances and beating up disk jockeys to move their pieces along Denver's "Patrick Roy Boulevard". First player to smash through the bedroom door gets a standing ovation! Only $19.99!

Everything your budding chemist needs to make REAL CRYSTAL METH from ordinary household products! Set includes test tubes, vials, beakers, a burner and enough nasal decongestant to make over twenty grams of "Highlands Ranch Gold"! Added Bonus! Order before December 20 and receive a cheap Dan Hinote jersey absolutely free! Only $79.99!

Keep checking back! More items to come!